The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in
Libya, Egypt and Syria and have therefore raised their security level from
"Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again
to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from
"Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish
Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's
get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300
years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniforms and Sing Marching Songs." They also have
two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is
cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final
escalation level.
A final thought -“Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting
aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC”.
BLOOD BROTHER
©1998 Raymond M. Jozwiak
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