. . . a disease that is spread through the saliva of blututhious devisus (pictured above) when injected, unbeknownst to you, into your ear canal. Symptoms of the disease include the inability to make telephone contact with the person that you contact most, using the voice command feature. All functions famously until the voice tells you, "calling mobile 1" and then nothing happens.
Consumerproduchondria can also be contracted through other consumer products, as I well know, and manifests itself in that the consumer product (or some specific function thereof) will, for some odd reason, work.
You know that it is consumerproduchondria specifically when you scour the manual that accompanies your product at purchase, and there is mention of nothing remotely resembling your situation to be found. Identification of the disease becomes confirmed when you speak to a real customer service representative and they say, "I've never heard of that before."
The only remedy to this debilitating condition is a conscientious manufacturer with sympathetic customer service reps who will happily replace your item a little or no cost to you. If you cannot locate the remedy at your local pharmacy, take two aspirin and call me in the morning.
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