Literally . . .

. . . you wanna get literal? . . .

(from http://www.11points.com/Books/11_Things_The_Bible_Bans,_But_You_Do_Anyway
All quotes are translations from the New American Standard Bible)   

1. Leviticus 19:27 reads "You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard."

2. Football. At least, the pure version of football, where you play with a pigskin. And you're doubly breaking that if you wake up, eat some sausage. . . Leviticus 11:8, which is discussing pigs, reads "You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you."

3. Fortune telling. Before you call a 900 number (do people still call 900 numbers, by the way?), read your horoscope or crack open a fortune cookie, realize you're in huge trouble if you do. Leviticus 19:31 reads "Do not turn to mediums or spiritists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God." The penalty for that? Check Leviticus 20:6: "As for the person who turns to mediums and to spiritists, to play the harlot after them, I will also set My face against that person and will cut him off from among his people."

 4. Pulling out. The Bible doesn't get too much into birth control... it's clearly pro-populating but, back when it was written, no one really anticipated the condom or the sponge, so those don't get specific bans.
But... pulling out does. One of the most famous sexual-oriented Bible verses... the one that's used as anti-masturbation rhetoric... is actually anti-pulling out. It's Genesis 38:9-10: "Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also."

5. No tattoos. Leviticus 19:28 reads, "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord."
Not even a little butterfly on your ankle. Or Thug Life across your abdomen. Or even, fittingly enough, a cross.

6. Polyester, or any other fabric blends. The Bible doesn't want you to wear polyester. Not just because it looks cheap. It's sinfully unnatural. Leviticus 19:19 reads, "You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together."

7. Divorce. The Bible is very clear on this one: No divorcing. You can't do it. Because when you marry someone, according to Mark 10:8, you "are no longer two, but one flesh." And, Mark 10:9 reads, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Mark gets even more hardcore about it a few verses later, in Mark 10:11-12, "And He said to them, 'Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.'"

8. Letting people without testicles into church. Whether you've been castrated or lost one or two balls to cancer isn't important. The Bible doesn't get that specific. It just says you can't pray. Deuteronomy 23:1 reads (this is the God's Word translation, which spells it out better), "A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord." Oh, and the next verse says that if you're a bastard, the child of a bastard... or even have a great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchild of a bastard, you can't come to church or synagogue either. Deuteronomy 23:2 reads, "No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the Lord; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the Lord."

9. Wearing gold. 1 Timothy 2:9 doesn't like your gold necklace at all. Or your pearl necklace. Or any clothes you're wearing that you didn't get from Forever 21, Old Navy or H&M. "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments."

10. Lobster, shrimp and clam chowder: All banned. Shellfish. Leviticus 11:10 reads, "But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you." And shellfish is right in that wheelhouse. Leviticus 11 bans a TON of animals from being eaten (it's THE basis for Kosher law); beyond shellfish and pig, it also says you can't eat camel, rock badger, rabbit, eagle, vulture, buzzard, falcon, raven, crow, ostrich, owl, seagull, hawk, pelican, stork, heron, bat, winged insects that walk on four legs unless they have joints to jump with like grasshoppers (?), bear, mole, mouse, lizard, gecko, crocodile, chameleon and snail.

11. Your wife defending your life in a fight by grabbing your attacker's genitals. No joke. Deuteronomy actually devotes two verses to this exact scenario: Deuteronomy 25:11-12. "If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity."
That's impossible to misinterpret. Ladies, if your husband is getting mugged, make sure to kick the mugger in the pills. Do not do the grip and squeeze (no matter what "Miss Congeniality" might advise). Or your hand needs to be cut off.

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This I know . . .

 ". . .  If it is in the Bible, it must be true. . ."

 (from Howard Bess)  
 ". . . In the past this attitude has led to advocacy of slavery, segregation, subordination of women and corporal punishment for children.  It has been only when these Biblical teachings were challenged and set aside that justice has prevailed.  The latest challenge to Bible standards is the current debate about Biblical marriage and same-sex marriages.  The Bible standard advocates are calling for Biblical standards for marriage.
    Many of the relevant passages are found in the book of Leviticus.  The place of women is set out as a part of the property codes.  Women were property.  Men were owners of women.  A man could own as many women as he could afford.  Polygamy was the standard, not monogamy.  Men owned women in three categories.  They owned wives; they owned concubines; and they owned slaves.  All were available to their owner for his sexual use.  Most of the women involved were little more than breeding stock.  These standards were prevalent all over the Middle East and reflect Mesopotamian and Babylonian traditions. 
    Over the centuries, custom changed and, while polygamy was allowed and was common, cultural pressures and standards evolved toward monogamy.  One standard did not change.  Women in Jesus’ day were still seen as property.  Marriages were still arranged.  A woman had no voice in the acquiring of a husband.  A young woman was provided for marriage for what was deemed the best interests of the father.
    During the times of Jesus, the life of many women in a poverty economy was precarious.  A man could divorce a woman by declaring his freedom from her.  The worst scenario for a woman was to have no owner.  The so-called prostitutes that hung around Jesus were not prostitutes in a modern sense.  They were vulnerable women who had no owner.  Evidently Jesus accepted them and provided them with a level of protection and security.  One of the criticisms of Jesus was that he associated with prostitutes. 
    To his credit, the Apostle Paul declared that in Christ there was no longer slave or free, male or female.  In spite of the acceptance by Jesus and the declaration of Paul, the early church embraced and perpetuated patriarchal dominance and female submission.  The Leviticus standard of male ownership of wives continued in most of Christianity until the 20th century.  It now seems incredible that women in the United States did not have a vote until the 19th Amendment was adopted in 1920. 
    I scratch my head when I hear someone declare that we need to return to Biblical standards for marriage. 
    Around the world and within the United States the understandings of marriage and marriage practices are hugely diverse.  In that diversity a new question has been inserted in the public discussion.  Should two persons of the same sex be allowed to marry?  It is a subject that is never addressed in the Bible.  It is a modern question that has evolved over the past 50 years.  The Bible is a collection of ancient writings.  I would not expect any of these writings to address a question that is so recent.  Bible quotations seem so very irrelevant. . . "

". .  . Is there no standard for marriage that can be embraced in our modern world?  I suspect that diversity of understandings will win the day.  The need to formalize the attractions that we have for a loving companion will not go away.  . ."

[The Rev. Howard Bess is a retired American Baptist minister, who lives in Palmer, Alaska.  His email address is  HYPERLINK "mailto:hdbss@mtaonline.net" hdbss@mtaonline.net]

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