Showing posts with label birth control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth control. Show all posts

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Literally . . .

. . . you wanna get literal? . . .

(from http://www.11points.com/Books/11_Things_The_Bible_Bans,_But_You_Do_Anyway
All quotes are translations from the New American Standard Bible)   

1. Leviticus 19:27 reads "You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard."

2. Football. At least, the pure version of football, where you play with a pigskin. And you're doubly breaking that if you wake up, eat some sausage. . . Leviticus 11:8, which is discussing pigs, reads "You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you."

3. Fortune telling. Before you call a 900 number (do people still call 900 numbers, by the way?), read your horoscope or crack open a fortune cookie, realize you're in huge trouble if you do. Leviticus 19:31 reads "Do not turn to mediums or spiritists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God." The penalty for that? Check Leviticus 20:6: "As for the person who turns to mediums and to spiritists, to play the harlot after them, I will also set My face against that person and will cut him off from among his people."

 4. Pulling out. The Bible doesn't get too much into birth control... it's clearly pro-populating but, back when it was written, no one really anticipated the condom or the sponge, so those don't get specific bans.
But... pulling out does. One of the most famous sexual-oriented Bible verses... the one that's used as anti-masturbation rhetoric... is actually anti-pulling out. It's Genesis 38:9-10: "Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also."

5. No tattoos. Leviticus 19:28 reads, "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord."
Not even a little butterfly on your ankle. Or Thug Life across your abdomen. Or even, fittingly enough, a cross.

6. Polyester, or any other fabric blends. The Bible doesn't want you to wear polyester. Not just because it looks cheap. It's sinfully unnatural. Leviticus 19:19 reads, "You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together."

7. Divorce. The Bible is very clear on this one: No divorcing. You can't do it. Because when you marry someone, according to Mark 10:8, you "are no longer two, but one flesh." And, Mark 10:9 reads, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Mark gets even more hardcore about it a few verses later, in Mark 10:11-12, "And He said to them, 'Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.'"

8. Letting people without testicles into church. Whether you've been castrated or lost one or two balls to cancer isn't important. The Bible doesn't get that specific. It just says you can't pray. Deuteronomy 23:1 reads (this is the God's Word translation, which spells it out better), "A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord." Oh, and the next verse says that if you're a bastard, the child of a bastard... or even have a great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchild of a bastard, you can't come to church or synagogue either. Deuteronomy 23:2 reads, "No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the Lord; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the Lord."

9. Wearing gold. 1 Timothy 2:9 doesn't like your gold necklace at all. Or your pearl necklace. Or any clothes you're wearing that you didn't get from Forever 21, Old Navy or H&M. "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments."

10. Lobster, shrimp and clam chowder: All banned. Shellfish. Leviticus 11:10 reads, "But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you." And shellfish is right in that wheelhouse. Leviticus 11 bans a TON of animals from being eaten (it's THE basis for Kosher law); beyond shellfish and pig, it also says you can't eat camel, rock badger, rabbit, eagle, vulture, buzzard, falcon, raven, crow, ostrich, owl, seagull, hawk, pelican, stork, heron, bat, winged insects that walk on four legs unless they have joints to jump with like grasshoppers (?), bear, mole, mouse, lizard, gecko, crocodile, chameleon and snail.

11. Your wife defending your life in a fight by grabbing your attacker's genitals. No joke. Deuteronomy actually devotes two verses to this exact scenario: Deuteronomy 25:11-12. "If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity."
That's impossible to misinterpret. Ladies, if your husband is getting mugged, make sure to kick the mugger in the pills. Do not do the grip and squeeze (no matter what "Miss Congeniality" might advise). Or your hand needs to be cut off.






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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Control . . .

. . . in the name of WHAT? . . .

 Susan Reimer, columnist of the Baltimore Sun wrote the other day about the Catholic church. She wrote about birth control pills being forbidden, opposition to any legal standing for gay people, even opposition to their own nuns' spending too much time on social justice issues and not enough time pounding home the message about birth control and abortion.

And now, the case of Amanda Dougherty.  Anna, a student at a Catholic high school outside Philadelphia, had the dress, the shoes, the ticket and the guy for her junior prom. Until the guy backed out. She was determined to pin a smile on her face and go anyway, to have fun with her friends. Healthy attitude right?  Wrong!  The school and the archdiocese told her that she couldn't go without a date. "For them to say that we're not good enough to go unless we have a guy standing next to us, it's just kind of sickening," Amanda told a CBS reporter. In a statement, Catholic school officials said there were plenty of high school events a student could attend without a date, "but we view the prom as a special social event where a date is required to attend."

And an Indiana teacher at a Catholic school found that her contract had not been renewed after she asked for some time off to pursue a second in vitro fertilization. When Emily Herx of Fort Wayne pointed out that her supervisor not only knew of her first attempt but was praying for its success, and that no embryos were destroyed or frozen, the monsignor in the parish told her she was a "grave, immoral sinner" anyway.

Why is the Catholic Church increasing their stress of doctrine in a world already full of religious extremists of all stripes? Why would it stifle it's own inner circle which serves the weak and defends their rights? Why would it wound the faithful at their most vulnerable moments? Why does it exclude, when it could embrace?

According to their own scripture, Jesus said,  "I have come that you might have life and have it abundantly."  He also said: "By this shall men know that you are my disciples; not that you pass the test of traditional orthodoxy, but that you love; and in loving bear witness that you can give of the life that you have received."  Personally, I like that.



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