Normal . . .

(from The Noonday Demon:  An Atlas of Depression by Andrew Solomon)
(. . . Though effective treatments exist even for diseases we do not begin to understand, knowing how the components of a disease are related helps us to discern its immediate precipitants and address them. It helps us to understand a constellation of symptoms and to see in what ways one system my influence another.  Most of the systems of explanation for illness-the biochemical, the psychoanalytic, the behavioral, and the sociocultural-are fragmentary and leave many things unexplained, and highly irregular and unsystematic. Why do particular feelings and particular actions correlate in illness but not in health? "Psychiatry's most pressing need," (Michael) McGuire and (Alfonso) Triosi write, "is to embrace evolutionary theory and to begin the process of identifying its most important data and of testing novel explanations of disorders.  Attempts to explain behavior, normal or otherwise, without having an in-depth understanding of the species one is studying invite misinterpretation." . . . "

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OHO's "Ocean City Ditty," the CD single is now available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/oho4
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Consumerproduchondria. . .

. . .  may well be the malady from which I suffer. . .I am a consumerproduchondriac. . .

 . . . a disease that is spread through the saliva of blututhious devisus (pictured above) when injected, unbeknownst to you, into your ear canal. Symptoms of the disease include the inability to make telephone contact with the person that you contact most, using the voice command feature.  All functions famously until the voice tells you, "calling mobile 1" and then nothing happens.

Consumerproduchondria can also be contracted through other consumer products, as I well know, and manifests itself in that the consumer product (or some specific function thereof) will, for some odd reason, work.

You know that it is consumerproduchondria specifically when you scour the manual that accompanies your product at purchase, and there is mention of nothing remotely resembling your situation to be found.  Identification of the disease becomes confirmed when you speak to a real customer service representative and they say, "I've never heard of that before."

The only remedy to this debilitating condition is a conscientious manufacturer with sympathetic customer service reps who will happily replace your item a little or no cost to you.  If you cannot locate the remedy at your local pharmacy, take two aspirin and call me in the morning.

 
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